TIPS FOR PARENTS
WHY KIDS DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE
Naturally, some teens drink to be different, to be impulsive or to experience a new sensation. But many are actually seeking an escape from their negative feelings. Some kids think: "I'm bummed out – and a drink will help me feel better.” Where do they learn this? Mass advertising. We are bombarded by print, radio and TV ads everyday, many of which promote beer, liquor and wine. The ads associate drinking with positive activities and consequences – like being romantic, social and relaxed. Using alcohol is linked to happiness, wealth, success, athletic ability and sexual satisfaction. Well, teens want all of this and more. And the cumulative effect of seeing hundreds, if not thousands, of ads may indeed sway them to drink.
THE ROLE OF PARENTS
Many parents may also contribute to their teenager’s drinking. Adolescent drinking has been significantly related to a lack of parental support, monitoring and communication. Further, a lack of consistent discipline, rejection and even hostility toward kids has been a great predictor of teen drinking. Of course, children who are victims of physical abuse, sexual abuse or other traumas are at higher risk of becoming alcohol dependent. Given all of this, it is vital that we support and nurture our children from day one. Ultimately, the key to prevent teen drinking is to educate them about the consequences, as early as age seven. This will prepare them for the many pressures they will soon encounter in their teen years.
By the time kids reach the eighth grade, nearly 50 percent of them have had at least one drink.
PEER PRESSURE
Constant pressure from other kids is another big reason teens are at greater risk than adults to start drinking. It’s also why it’s important for parents to take an active and constant stand against drinking. Most kids say peer pressure makes them feel as if they’re being pulled in two directions. On one hand, they may not want to do what they’re being pressured to do. On the other hand, they’re afraid of losing their friends if they say “no.” Kids want to be on people’s good sides and wish to avoid feeling like outsiders. When the heat is on, kids must make decisions quickly and know how to react. Resisting peer pressure requires rehearsal to really succeed. Teens who don’t drink say one of the main reasons is their parents’ influence. This is proof that your guidance is valuable. The fact is: you are in the best position to help your kids examine their options and become mature, independent thinkers. Remember that while peer pressure is powerful, in the long run parents will have much more influence on their kids’ choices.
THE SIGNS OF CHILD DEPRESSION:
- A sad, tearful look – or sudden crying.
- A loss of appetite or not wanting to eat much.
- Sudden binge eating or overeating – especially sweets.
- Vague physical complaints, like stomach aches, headaches, or a general “sick” feeling.
- Frequent complaints about feeling tired.
- Denial of feelings. A child may seem aloof or untouched by otherwise upsetting events.
- Declining school grades. A child may also fail to complete homework assignments.
- Breaking various rules at home.
- Picking fights with other family members.
- Excessive sleep –or never going to sleep.
- Spending all free time with friends – or never wanting to leave the bedroom.
- Sudden mood swings – or expressing unsettled or restless feelings.
THE FACTS ON TROUBLED KIDS:
Every day, between 1.3 and 2.8 million runaway kids live on the streets of America. Nobody knows the exact number for sure. So, you must be aware of the warning signs that your child may run away from home. Some kids will hint that they want to run away. Others will outright threaten their family with it. To survive, runaways need money and a place to sleep. Some kids prepare for their escape by slowly withdrawing cash from their savings – or stealing money from family members. They may keep a bag or backpack of clothes in the closet, for a quick escape. If you see any of this behavior, it’s vital to confront your child right away. Invite your child to talk with you or see a psychologist together to discuss the problem. If it’s too late, contact the National Runaway Switchboard and talk to a counselor:
National Runaway Switchboard
(800) 786-2929
(800) 621-4000
www.nrscrisisline.org
WATCH FOR SIGNS OF ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE:
Finding drugs or alcohol in your child's possession, in the house or car is one of the most obvious signs of problem. Drug paraphernalia, such as cigarette papers or pipes, is also a clear indication. Bear in mind that marijuana use causes reddening of the eyes. So, your child may regularly wear sunglasses or use eye drops to compensate. Marijuana leaves a sweet, smoky odor in a room or in clothes. To hide the smell, deodorizers or incense may be used. Also, watch for a persistent cough, as marijuana use can result in coughs or bronchitis.
QUESTIONS FOR BOTH PARENTS :
- Has your child's personality changed noticeably?
- Does he or she have sudden mood swings and unpredictable behavior?
- Is money mysteriously disappearing from your home?
- Is your child reluctant to talk about alcohol or other drugs?
- Have you ever found drug paraphernalia (rolling papers, small spoons, roach clips)?
- Have you ever found bottles, or beer cans in your child’s room or in the back yard?
- Has your kid been cutting classes?
- Do you detect any physical symptoms: excess fatigue, disturbed sleep patterns, chronic cough, chest pains, "allergy" symptoms, vomiting, loss of appetite, unusual craving for sweets, red eyes or dilated (tiny) pupils?
- Have your child's relationships with family members deteriorated?
- Do you ever smell alcohol on your kid’s breath? Or do you frequently see your kid using breath mints?
- Has your child lost interest in school, sports or other activities that used to be important?
- Is your child hanging with a new group of friends that he or she won’t discuss?
ABOVE ALL, STAY CALM AND LISTEN:
If you think your child is using drugs, stay calm. An outburst of anger or emotion will only interfere with your ability to get to the heart of the problem. Open communication is essential. If you can’t control your feelings, bring in a third party whose advice is respected by both you and your child.
Perhaps spending more time with your son or daughter is necessary. Consider planning activities together away from home, school and work pressures. Try listening. Be sensitive to your child's feelings and problems, no matter how trivial they may seem. Still, you must have a “Zero Tolerance Policy” toward drug and alcohol use. Never consider this a "normal adolescent behavior."
Also, remove the stigma of failure from your home. Young people need to understand that the only failure is “not trying”. Mistakes are not failures. Mistakes just give us new information that can help us succeed next time. We all need the freedom to be imperfect. Place your hand gently on your child’s shoulder and say in a warm tone of voice, "You don’t seem like yourself lately. Tell me what’s wrong?" You can comfort your child with affection and approval. Plus, you can offer support by inviting closeness. Try saying, “Come sit with me. Let’s be together”. Then the two of you can read a book, watch TV or do something else positive and active. This will open the door to honest communication.
IF YOU FIND YOUR KID INTOXICATED :
- Don't shout or use physical force. This will only make matters worse
- Try to remain calm
- Find out what your kid has taken and how much of it
- NEVER ENCOURAGE VOMITING due to the risks of blocking the trachea (airway). This may cause the child to inhale the material that has been vomited, leading to suffocation
- Call a doctor or take your child to the local hospital if incoherent or seriously ill
- Once your child is better, tell him or her that you will talk about it tomorrow
WHAT TO DO THE NEXT DAY:
- Talk with your child as soon as possible
- Don't discuss anything with your kid if you are too angry – or about to lose your temper
- Don't name call, belittle, blame or threaten your kid. Right now, you are trying to guide this young person to grow in a healthy direction and not punish him or her
- Tell your child that he or she must assume responsibility
- Enforce the consequences of this behavior (restriction, loss of privileges, etc.)
- Find out exactly how your kid came to use, and who was with him. Consider calling the other kids' parents.
- If you believe your child may be addicted, seek treatment without hesitation
A SUMMARY OF WHAT WE’VE LEARNED:
- You must become a role model to your children
- You must communicate to kids that they are lovable “just as they are”
- Respect your children and they will respect you
- Educate yourself first – then your kids – about alcohol and drugs
- Simply talk to them with open, honest communication. Kids aren’t stupid
- Really listen to your child
- Know your kids' friends
- Know where your kids are at all times. Ask who, what, when, where and how
- Have a “Zero Tolerance Policy” toward drinking and drugs
- Love and adore your kids, everyday
